A lesson about public behavior.
A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I went to a movie at the Jacob Burns Film Center. Our film was showing in one of the smaller theaters, and by the time we arrived, seating options were limited.
As I walked toward the front of the theater, several of us were searching for pairs of open seats. Jackets were draped over empty chairs, so people were politely asking whether seats were taken.
That’s when things shifted.
One man became visibly incensed. When a woman explained she was waiting for someone, he loudly questioned whether she was telling the truth—so loudly that everyone could hear. I watched the situation unfold and thought:
- This is not the atmosphere I want to sit in.
- These are educated, privileged people—and yet here we are in a verbal brawl.
Meanwhile, my husband had pivoted. He scurried to the very top of the theater, spotted two open seats, and began waving at me like a ground crew member at LaGuardia Airport ✈️.
The seats weren’t together, but the film was about to begin—so we took them.
As I shimmied into my seat at the end of the row, I turned to my husband and said, “Bye. See ya later.”
A woman in the middle of the row overheard me and said, “Wait! Are you together?”
Within seconds, she rallied her friend—and then the entire row—to shift one seat over so my husband and I could sit together. Every person stood up, moved themselves and all their earthly possessions, and did so without a single complaint.
Everyone was laughing as they moved together.
After everyone resettled, I stood up and said: “You are a credit to yourselves and a great example to the front section.”
This is life as it should be—or at least, as it could be.
Post-Row Analysis 🧠
Row #1
The angry man assumed the worst. When he raised his voice and became verbally aggressive, any empathy others may have felt for him vanished.
His tone put the woman on the defensive and triggered her own emotional response. Unfortunately, she didn’t choose patience or a calm tone. Instead, she matched his intensity—escalating the situation rather than diffusing it.
Row #2
The women next to me lived the motto: “If you see something—do something.”
They used humor and created a sense of esprit de corps. One positive call to action shifted the entire dynamic. Not only did my husband and I enjoy the movie together, but a positive atmosphere emerged:
- Conversations started
- Smiles were exchanged
- People greeted each other at the end of the film
That anonymous woman is now my public behavior muse.
Thinking Prompts for Navigating Angry Human Dynamics 💡
These are questions I’m keeping with me for future public moments:
- What can I do to shift the atmosphere?
- How can I show awareness of another person’s needs or situation?
- What could I do to help?
- Can humor be used appropriately here?
- How can I acknowledge positive behavior?
- Who is best trained to manage this situation in the most feasible way?
Resources on De-Escalation & Managing Anger 📚
- Managing Anger – NSW Health
- Crisis Prevention Institute: De-Escalation Tips
- Pollack Peacebuilding: De-Escalation Skills
- YouTube: De-Escalation in Action
- 211 LA: Tips to De-Escalate a Mental Health Crisis
Final Irony 🎭
The film we were there to see? “The Nuremberg Trials.”
A historic reminder of how individual human choices—both positive and negative—shape outcomes far beyond the moment.
#communications #conflict #De-Escalation #kindness #human connection #lessonslearned #learneditinQueens #angermanagement #courtesy #publicbehavior #managingbehaviors.