Feedback is an important skill but know how and when to deliver it is an important. I learned this lesson in my grade school in Queens during the annual valentire day card exchange.
When I was in grade school, we exchanged little paper Valentines and placed them on our classmates’ desks.
A boy named Doug S. gave me a card in first grade, and I was delighted. I opened it, smiled, and quietly enjoyed the moment.
All was good.
My feedback was simple, clear, and private.
The following year I received another card… and then the next… all the way through seventh grade.
That’s the year I decided to change my feedback process.
I turned around in my desk toward Doug, who sat two seats behind me, and said—within earshot of others:
“Thank you for the card. Do you know you’ve been giving me a card since first grade?”
(And yes… I smiled.)
Doug looked at me.
Then he looked around to see who was listening.
I didn’t get one in eighth grade.
The end.
So what did I learn about feedback from this sad tale of crushes gone bad?
🔹 What is the purpose of your feedback?
Is your intent to reinforce positive behavior… or, as in my case, to brag a bit?
🔹 Are metrics really needed?
Examples and data are often helpful, but sometimes a few simple words will suffice.
🔹 Have you chosen the right setting?
There’s something to be said for delivering feedback privately and out of earshot of others.
🔹 What do you want to happen as a result?
Did I really expect Doug to declare his love?
Yes.
Think it through would be my advice.
The good news: this experience has served as an unusual—but helpful—thinking prompt in many work situations.
Humorous stories are excellent teachers.
Here are a few articles for reference:
🔗 https://narativ.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/10/0mld5kms0ja.jpg
To find out more about how to use humorous stories in your work to guide and lead, visit: 👉 jryanpartners.com and listen to the podcast series – Leadership StoryTalks by Narativ.
Don’t forget to check out my humorous and oh so true book -” The Learned It In Queens Communications Playbook – Winning Against Digital Distraction”